Because I Said So: August 2013
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Friday, August 9, 2013

e, i, e, i....Uh O!

About a month ago, I agreed to house-sit for my boyfriend and his family while they went on vacation. Little did I know what I was getting myself into. Seriously.

Welcome to the Ryan farm where there are 3 horses, too many chickens to keep up with, a pig that acts like a dog (complete with barking and tail wagging--I'm not kidding), two bunnies who hate hot weather (hello it's the South), five dogs, and a cat.

Now you can see where I started to regret this.

I had to feed EVERY morning and night--before and after I went to work (that's right I said work...I HAVE A BIG GIRL JOB).

Now I see why farming, in itself, is a job. No one, I repeat NO ONE should have to endure such torture. Okay I may be being a tad bit dramatic because some people (aka my boyfriend's mom) really do love farms and all the animals.

But I found out that I'm not really cut out for the whole farm thing. I also think I have a hay allergy.

Most of the week went without anything dramatic happening. But we all know that wouldn't last long. I mean hello, me on a farm? Something is bound to go wrong.

Let's start with the horses: Like I said, there are three. Kissy (who's actually a boy), Cracker (Josh's pony lol), and Baby Girl (she's actually the biggest of the bunch). Cracker is greedy so he barely gets any food (per Josh's mom's orders). Thus, Baby Girl eats in a separate field so the "boys" don't pick on her and eat her food.

Well all I can say is suck it up and eat fast girlfriend because there's really no stopping the boys when I forget to lock the gate to Baby Girl's field--OOPS.

There was no way I was putting my little body in the way of their massive bodies. Am I alone in thinking this way? Didn't think so.

Another "gate fiasco" happened about a day later when I got all the way to work in Kenner, and started thinking....Did I lock the horse's gate? DID I? OMG I DIDN'T LOCK THE GATE!! OMG #)*$)@(#*@# The Ryans will kill me if their horses run away. I'm the worst farm girl ever, etc etc.

So what do I do? I do what anyone would do. I called my sisters, woke them up, and told them to drive 30 mins. away to make sure the horses didn't escape. And had they? Nope. I had actually locked the gate. Now don't I feel dumb?

Moving on to probably the most horrifying thing that happened to me while house-sitting. THE GREAT CHICKEN ESCAPE.

That's right. You read it right, most horrifying chicken escape.

One night, going through the nightly feed routine, I made sure the bunnies had water...closed but didn't lock the door behind me since I was going right back in there, when I turn around and a chicken was out. dum Dum DUMMMMM. Sidenote: I'm horrified of these birds. The Ryan's had a rooster a couple of years ago and I never got over that. So here I am staring eminent DOOM in the face.

Like really, what am I supposed to do now? Touch it? nope. Corral it? yea good luck. So I left a trail of dog food coming towards me. Completely normal right? Right. My thinking was that when it finally got to me, I could try to grab it toss it back in the coop. Well, easier said than done.

Round 1: Allison- 0 Chicken- 1

Round 2: Allison- still 0 Chicken- 2

Round 3: Allison- almost 1 but still 0 Chicken - 3

Round 4 (by this time I'm practically hysterical and dying of heat stroke): Allison- SWEET VICTORY!!!!! Chicken - IN YOUR FACE!

I finally got the chicken back in it's cage without it pecking me and without having to break the news to the family that their favorite chicken escaped and got eaten by a coyote or something.

All in all, it was a long week of work and farm life, but somehow I made it through. If Josh thinks we are having more than 2 dogs when we get married then he better think again.

No more farms for this girl, BECAUSE I SAID SO!

**and it's probably better for the animal's overall well-being**